Sometime you lead, sometimes you follow.
Sunday’s are my go-to “Day of Rest” (aka Sabbath). But today is Friday and it is almost like a tangible nudge to go outside of the norm and make today my “Day of Rest”.
I took some time off work last month and this month to focus on building out as much as I could for the CCClinic, especially because originally the trip was in December and A LOT had to be done before then. This past Tuesday was my first day back to work after at least a month and it has definitely been a transition.
I found myself having to work through a lot of anxiety and false beliefs that by not working on the CCClinic and Be the Change 24/7, everything was going to fall apart and I was going to get far behind.
I shared with my bible study last night that I noticed I was striving for uncharacteristic things in my life that made me stop and take a step back and ask God was was behind these things. It’s funny because these “uncharacteristic things” included deep cleaning and the desire to remodel little parts of our place- things normal people would do, but I never entertain because time doesn’t allow for it.
After sitting in thought about this, I came to realize these were just attempts to control. If I cleaned, I could control the outcome would be a clean house. If I remodeled, I could control that I would feel more at home.
I was craving control amidst many uncontrolled areas of my life.
But again this was because of another almost tangible nudge I felt. And I have always described these “nudges” as God’s built-in way of guiding us. Similar to how we teach children that heat on a stove signals to stay away, I really do believe that God gave us anxiety as a signal to turn to Him, to pray.
“He works all things together for good”- Romans 8:28
Even our anxiety.
And for those of you have ballroom danced, two stepped or salsa, you can appreciate what it feels like to be led or to lead. As a woman, I have found a fascinations with dancing in that it is a tangible reminder of what it feels like to follow because we are called to submit and follow God’s guidance.
I honestly couldn’t teach you the 8 count steps to how to dance, but I could show you what it feels like. I could direct your moves into what it is supposed to feel like to dance different types of dances.
God gives us guidance through His Word on how best to live, but he also gives us the Holy Spirit for us to feel tangible nudges on which move to make next.
The nudge to reconsider my day of rest.
The nudge to stop and understand the weight and motives associated with my striving.
Y’all, these anxiety nudges are NOT a rare occurrence.
And rather than that be a burden, I see it as a “healthy pressure”. And I learned what “healthy pressure” is, yet again, on the dance floor.
When I first started dancing, I had someone stop me mid dance and said, “Push back on my hand. Do you feel that? That is healthy pressure. I cannot lead you if we don’t maintain this healthy pressure. You won’t be able to feel the next move I am guiding you into without it.”
Again, I truly believe God gives us “anxiety” “uncertainty”, etc as a signal to turn to him, to pray; as healthy pressure.
I was yet again stopped mid dance, by a completely separate and random person and he told me I was back leading. Stopping mid-dance on a completely full dance floor is really weird by the way, so he REALLY felt compelled to teach me this lesson. I thank GOD he did because it is something I have never forgotten.
“Let me show you what it feels like to actually be led.”
I had been dancing for YEARS at this point and I had prided myself in being easily led. When he guided me into that turn, it literally felt for a moment he lost control of me. There really isn’t any other way of describing it.
It literally felt out of control.
Then at the last moment, he reintroduced that healthy pressure and completed the turn. “Now that is what it feels like to be led.” He was right, I had been backleading all that time and never realized it until having to be awkwardly stopped in the middle of the dance floor to learn.
It is a constant struggle to not back lead with God, but I am grateful that that is by design. It’s the healthy pressure needed for me to rely on him to show my the next move. He calls us to pray without ceasing and these tangible examples from the dance floor have made it to where I have to constantly pray for guidance because I never know the next move until He guides me into it, if I let him.